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Zeus Grants Stupid Wishes: A No-Bullshit Guide to World Mythology Paperback – March 5, 2013

by Cory O'Brien (Author), Sarah E. Melville (Illustrator)
4.6 4.6 out of 5 stars 1,607 ratings
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From the creator of Myths Retold comes a hilarious collection of Greek, Norse, Chinese and even Sumerian myths retold in their purest, bawdiest forms!

All our lives, we’ve been fed watered-down, PC versions of the classic myths. In reality, mythology is more screwed up than a schizophrenic shaman doing hits of unidentified…wait, it all makes sense now. In Zeus Grants Stupid Wishes, Cory O’Brien, creator of Myths RETOLD!, sets the stories straight. These are rude, crude, totally sacred texts told the way they were meant to be told: loudly, and with lots of four-letter words.

Did you know?

Cronus liked to eat babies.

Narcissus probably should have just learned to masturbate.

Odin got construction discounts with bestiality.

Isis had bad taste in jewelry.

Ganesh was the very definition of an unplanned pregnancy.

And Abraham was totally cool about stabbing his kid in the face.

Still skeptical? Here are a few more gems to consider:

• Zeus once stuffed an unborn fetus inside his thigh to save its life after he exploded its mother by being too good in bed.

• The entire Egyptian universe was saved because Sekhmet just got too hammered to keep murdering everyone.

• The Hindu universe is run by a married couple who only stop murdering in order to throw sweet dance parties…on the corpses of their enemies.

• The Norse goddess Freyja once consented to a four-dwarf gangbang in exchange for one shiny necklace.

And there’s more dysfunctional goodness where that came from.
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Previous page
  1. Print length
    304 pages
  2. Language
    English
  3. Publisher
    TarcherPerigee
  4. Publication date
    March 5, 2013
  5. Dimensions
    4.5 x 0.7 x 8 inches
  6. ISBN-10
    039916040X
  7. ISBN-13
    978-0399160400
  8. See all details
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Editorial Reviews

Review

"Blessed with the drinking tolerance of Bacchus and the wisdom of Minerva, O’Brien has compiled some of the best of the best in the realm of sarcastic myth telling with his book Zeus Grants Stupid Wishes: A No Bull-Shit Guide to World Mythology." --Fanboynation.com

"I was giggling by the first page and full blown LOLing by the first myth. It’s really that funny. With chapter titles like “Cronus Likes To Eat Babies“, “Abraham Is Totally Cool About Stabbing His Kid in the Face,” and “Odin Gets Construction Discounts with Bestiality,” you can’t help but want to read these retold myths, whether it be from morbid curiosity or a dire need to know what this guy could possibly be getting at with these titles." --Electricfeast.com

"O'Brien's writing is gruff, hilarious...but there's no doubt that he's thoroughly researched his topics. His candor likens to a tirade of Liz Lemon's deranged ex-boyfriend, Dennis Duffy of 30 Rock, had his skull contained a well-read brain." --Chicagoist

About the Author

Cory O’Brien is a word-wizard and technojester of the first degree and the creator of Myths Retold! (BetterMyths.com), as well as the author of Zeus Grants Stupid Wishes and George Washington is Cash Money. He reads and writes mythology, science fiction, and computer code. He has camped with gypsies, juggled for food, and driven across the country in a car powered by vegetable oil. Now he lives in Chicago, where he recently graduated with an MFA in writing from the School of the Art Institute of Chicago. Cory's dream is to one day travel to Mars, or at least to own a jacket made entirely of pockets.

Product details

  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ TarcherPerigee; 1st edition (March 5, 2013)
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Paperback ‏ : ‎ 304 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 039916040X
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-0399160400
  • Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 2.31 pounds
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 4.5 x 0.7 x 8 inches
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.6 4.6 out of 5 stars 1,607 ratings

About the author

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Cory O'Brien

Cory O'Brien

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Cory O'Brien is a word-wizard and technojester of the first degree. He reads and writes mythology, science fiction, and computer code. He has camped with gypsies, juggled for food, and driven across the country in a car powered by vegetable oil. Now he lives in Chicago, where he recently graduated with an MFA in writing from the School of the Art Institute of Chicago. Cory's dream is to one day travel to Mars, or at least to own a jacket made entirely of pockets.

Customer reviews

4.6 out of 5 stars
4.6 out of 5
1,607 global ratings
Wonderful book!
5 Stars
Wonderful book!
For those of you who love mythology but hate the sugar-coating done to it, this is the book for you! It's a fantastic mix of sarcasm and knowledge. Seriously, read it.
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Top reviews from the United States

D Hermance
5.0 out of 5 stars Funny!
Reviewed in the United States on May 3, 2024
Verified Purchase
As someone who enjoys the world of mythology and mythological stories, this book is hysterical to read. It helps if you know the original mythology stories and origins to start with, but never mind that. It's a great laugh.
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Evie B.
5.0 out of 5 stars Surf-bro Does Mythology
Reviewed in the United States on January 25, 2024
Verified Purchase
Hilarious.
Irreverent.
Accurate in every necessary way.
A pure and perfect mashup of satire and sense.
Read this book.
Guffaw while you learn.
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Brandy Grote
5.0 out of 5 stars Looks like a joke, but contains good info regarding world myths, set in a fun style.
Reviewed in the United States on April 20, 2018
Verified Purchase
A very fun read! I'm way into myths and legends, and this book contained a great sampling from many cultures and areas of the world. I learned some new ones, and the ones I already knew were hilariously perfect in his delivery. I used this as a "bathroom reader", and each section is a perfect length for "business".
O'Brien's writing is witty, funny, and his research into the subject is complete. This isn't your dry college textbook, but you will learn more with this than you would from that text, and at a fraction of the price!
If you have a teen or young (or old) adult who enjoys or needs to learn the gist of world myths, I recommend this ribald telling of world myths.

"Folk tales and myths, they've lasted for a reason. We tell them over and over because we keep finding truths in them, and we keep finding life in them." - Patrick Ness
3 people found this helpful
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Maria Englert
4.0 out of 5 stars Quick and entertaining summary of myths from around the world
Reviewed in the United States on September 1, 2020
Verified Purchase
A friend started reading this and almost immediately recommended it to me. It really is a lot of fun, giving irreverently quick and dirty retellings of myths from the ancient Sumeria and Greece to even the U.S. with stories about Paul Bunyan and Davy Crockett. It's entertainingly funny and worth the read if you're someone who's interested in mythology and have an open minded sense of humor.
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Elena
5.0 out of 5 stars Great for dinner parties
Reviewed in the United States on May 14, 2015
Verified Purchase
A friend of mine had this book at his apartment, and I picked it up while exploring his belongings that were within arms reach, as one is apt to do when the host is in the kitchen or bathroom. I read maybe 5 lines of one story and immediately knew I had to have this book. I was laughing (out loud) so much, that my friend returned, saw what I was looking at, and also started laughing. We basically sat there, me reading chapters of the book out loud and then both of us laughing loudly, for about 30 minutes. Now that I have my own copy, I leave this book on my coffee table, and when I have company over, I read them a story. It usually results in some weird looks at first, but it also causes intense laughter (and definitely sets a tone for a visit). Not only is the writing super entertaining, it's also a very handy resource for world mythology! You know. If you decipher the super entertaining text.

I think I enjoy this book so much because it's written in a way that I think/write. Basically, I want to be best friends with the author, Cory O'Brien. (As far as I'm concerned, we are already best friends, he just doesn't know it yet.)
8 people found this helpful
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Mandi Wallar
5.0 out of 5 stars So funny!
Reviewed in the United States on July 3, 2014
Verified Purchase
I love to read but sometimes I am just to busy even for audiobooks. I love mythology stories. I have a weird sense of humor. Those 3 things made this book perfect. Its a hilarious take on mythology stories, some more commonly known that others and from several different cultures. His way of telling the stories fit my sense of humor very well and had me laughing to the point of tears and unable to breath at times. Each chapter covers a different culture and each myth is its own short story with a wonderful moral conclusion. This made it much easier to read since I could pick it up and read even if I only had time to get through a few pages that was enough to finish one of the stories. Well, unless your laughing to hysterically to make it through more than a few sentences at a time. Its a quick read if you sit down with plenty of time you will most likely finish it in one sitting unless you have to take a break to regain your self. Reading it a story or 2 at a time made it last and for me made it all the better.
One person found this helpful
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Crystal Dawn
5.0 out of 5 stars THIS BOOK IS HILARIOUS
Reviewed in the United States on October 26, 2022
Verified Purchase
I love this book. It's the best mythology book. It's funny and I still reread it because the stories Corey O Brian mentions are said i jokingly detail of how he describes the urban legends. I find myself busting out in laughter everytime I read it and has became my favorite book to read on a bad` day.
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Alicia B.
5.0 out of 5 stars You need this.
Reviewed in the United States on December 26, 2023
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Not for kids or anyone with delicate sensibilities. I've had this book for a long time. It is still guaranteed to get a healthy amount of laughs from me.
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Top reviews from other countries

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SergejHartwich
5.0 out of 5 stars Top
Reviewed in Germany on March 18, 2024
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Top
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Gemma
5.0 out of 5 stars Muy divertido
Reviewed in Spain on October 11, 2022
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Muy divertido
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Broke Student
5.0 out of 5 stars Funny, Yet Informative
Reviewed in Canada on January 30, 2019
Verified Purchase
This was ordered at the spur of the moment (ie, I was super drunk and thought it was hilarious) but I didn’t regret this order in the slightest! It was surprisingly funny for a novel, but pretty informative and accurate. I tend to get bored reading some history books because the language can be very dry, bland, and unimaginative in some cases. But this was a perfect counter to those books. It was witty, clever, but didn’t skimp on the details. I highly recommend this to anyone if they need a good funny read, but still enjoy learning!
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Mau Wilde
5.0 out of 5 stars La mitología relatada como la imaginamos
Reviewed in Mexico on March 7, 2018
Verified Purchase
El libro es fácil de leer y muy gracioso, lo que imaginamos al leer esos mitos escrito de una manera creativa y divertida. Claro el texto está en inglés y se usan modismos, pero me parece muy divertido si se domina el idioma.
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Client d'Amazon
5.0 out of 5 stars Hilarant
Reviewed in France on August 14, 2019
Verified Purchase
Le livre est écrit comme si l'auteur vous parlais. Il faut aussi passer un peu de temps sur les illustrations. Le résultat est juste génial!
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